Look at me! Look at me! Over here! Hello?!

A rare moment of clarity, the whole appeal of Social Networking just became so obvious.

Your FB pages are like sad little TV shows, with status updates as tiny commercials. Pay attention to me 'friend':
I'm hecka funny, my concise observations about life are so unique... I'm having a bad day and don't have the balls to complain to the person I'm actually upset with, but you'll listen, right... I really like music, so much so, that I'm going to spout out random lyrics in an effort to foster a false sense of community with like minded individuals... I just read an article on Fox News or Conspiracy Theory Daily, stand by while I regurgitate someone elses ideas to make it appear that I have an opinion... Nobody cares how much you love or hate your job, suck it up or shut it. Then again, aside from Saturday morning cartoon interruptions, I've always hated commercials.

Pictures of your kids are cool. Actually saying something is cool. I appreciate that.

For the rest of you attention starved fools... please help yourself and fill the gaping void in your life with something of substance... You know, like a blog nobody will ever read.

If Facebook was a person...

... it'd be Bobby Flay.

Holy crap that guy's an a-hole.

I guess that's all I have to say about that.

The End then

Cold Turkey... 36 Hours Clean

Having a tough time staying away. The devil on my shoulder keeps asking... 'What's the harm in checking-in once?' Eventually I'd like to get to the point where I can stop by once a day, but I don't trust myself enough yet.

It's a silly waste of time.
It's a silly waste of time.
It's a silly waste of time.

Right?

Wait a minute. I sound like a 14 year old girl right now. We all know that FB is no place for a dude pushing 40. It just isn't.

Ah, I feel much better. Stupid FB. Stupid OCD. Stupid need for attention from people we don't 'really' know.

Hoping the ability to write in non-neanderthal syntax returns soon. I realize that I'm substituting one evil for another by sharing my thoughts here... but FB is way more evil... it's gotta go.

So easy, even I can do it?

What happens when a grown man changes his Relationship Status... First the Fat Boys break up, now this!

A ridiculous waste of time. Seriously.

I really want to hate you Facebook, hate you something fierce. I don't even care about these people. At first I hoped it was a phase, but I just can't quit.
Make it stop mama. Damn you FB. Damn you.

You loooove WiFi on airplanes!?! Oh yeah, another picture of your car!?! You want me to play Farmville with you!?! That wacky site said your personality most resembles BooBoo Kitty on the Laverne & Shirley quiz!?!
L-O-L, man. Hah. Got it. Who. Cares. Honestly? Who?

Well... I must? Because I keep reading. At stoplights. In traffic. Waiting in line for a burrito. During conference calls. Late at night in bed after she falls asleep. At the cigar shop. During Two and a Half Men and Family Guy. At the gym. While playing poker. On the toile- t?

Wait, what. Please don't even pretend you're not surfing FB from the bathroom? Aside from my $3 electronic Yahtzee game, there is no better way to pass the time. For some strange reason, my witty anecdotes seem even more amusing when sent from the linoleum-clad fortress of solitute. Scrolling through your 6th grade BFF's vacation photos (you know, the 'friend' you haven't had an actual conversation with since Chevy Chase was funny), doesn't feel nearly as creepy as it should, especially considering that fact you're locked in a tiny room, tapping your right foot to keep your leg from falling alseep, with your pants around your ankles?

Come to think of it, the defecation station is the perfect place to visit FB. It's like the Bermuda Triangle once that door closes, everybody already assumes you're in there doing something putrid and disgusting?

They couldn't be more right.